My Crummy Kings

played night against the Avs.

After opening up a 2-0 lead after one, it was tied 2-2 after 2. And then Colorado opened up a 2 goal lead five minutes into the 3rd and things were looking ugly. But then we got one more. Then they got it back 3 minutes later. 7 1/2 minutes to go and this crummy team is down 5-3, and things are not looking good at either end of the ice.

Oh, well. This'll just bring us that much closer to a top 3 pick in the draft. People start leaving the building.

Wait. What? Lubomir Visnovsky scores to make it a one goal game with less than 5 minutes to go? So what. More people start leaving the building.

Oh, wait. No worries. Bench minor with just over 2 minutes to go - too many men on the ice. So now, not only are we down a goal, but we're short handed. Mass exodus begins.

** Hockey Jargon Alert! **

So let's see. We're 3 points behind Chicago, but they've got 2 games in hand, so we should finish behind them. And we're 4 points behind Columbus, and they've got a game in hand, so we should finish last in the conference. Yay for us!

Meanwhile, over in the East, well, Philly's got the number one pick all locked up, so no help there, but we're way behind Washington.... Number 2 overall pick, here we come!

** All Clear ! **

With a minute to go, we pull the goalie. Great, we're now 5-on-5, but we have no goalie.

Faceoff in their zone with 12.6 seconds to go. I'm surprised there're still this many people here.

SCORE !!!!!!

Rob Blake, you magnificent bastard! Why'd you have to tie it with 3.4 seconds to go?? #2 pick, Rob! #2 pick!

All I have to say is we damn well better win this thing now, 'cause picking up all those OT loss points is just gonna screw with our draft position.

Some close calls both ways in OT, but no goals and now we're in the shootout.

I hate shootouts. Too much pressure. And I don't even play.

Avs: Svatos scores. Meaningless point, here we come.
Kings: Kopitar... save. Well, he's only 19. In 5 years, he'll be 24 and the Kings'll be good.

Avs: Hedjuk, save. Silly Milan.
Kings: Cammallammalleri... SCORES! Shifty, shifty, midget!

Avs: Sakic, goal. He sees Burke's weakness like the crafty vet he is.
Kings: Frolov... SCORES! Well, we got this far, like I said, we better at least win.

Shootout tied 2-2 after 3. We go to... SUDDEN DEATH! (da da dummmmmm)

Avs: Stasny, save. Stupid rookie. Your father is ashamed.
Kings: Visnovsky for the win... miss. Way to rocket the shot wide, Lubo. You missed, but with authority.

Avs: McLean, goal. But still, no one knows who you are.
Kings: Jamie Lundmark? Clearly, the coaching staff is not interested in the extra point. Except that he scores. Way to show 'em Jaimie - scrubs can score too!

3-3 after 5 rounds. I need to start doing aerobics so my heart can handle this kind of exertion.

Avs: Brunette, save. You stupid French Canadian sot! I don't care if you are from Ontario.
Kings: Brown for the win... score! Damn you, Dustin! I love you.


And while we are now only 1 point behind Chicago, and this team has played beyond my expectations all season, we still have a shot at the top 3 pick.

Which brings me to the odd kind of joy that is rooting for a bad team - every game is win-lose:
We win -- well, we win, but we pick up points, moving us closer to the field and endangering our draft status.
We lose -- well, we lose, but we're THAT much closer to a good pick in the draft!



So anyway, welcome to my hockey season. Go Kings! (But don't go too far)

I'm on a freaking ROLL !!

Anyway, here're two reasons you should be watching 30 Rock (Thursday nights after Scrubs).

I figure you're not watching 'cause, let's face it, I really like it and that bodes ill for them. Except for Rob. Rob may enjoy this as much as me (stay strong brutha!).


First off - Captain Needa



Then, there's Alec Baldwin



You should also be watching The Office (on just before Scrubs), but I don't have handy links for them.

Two posts in a week??

What's goin' on here?

Well, it's not everyday a cat tries to commit suicide. And it's even rarer for that cat to include me in his plans. And when that day comes, I figure it's pretty blogworthy.



So I'm driving home from my sister's 'bout 8:30 tonight. I turn onto a pretty dimly lit residential street a block from my apartment. Ahead and on my left are a couple of guys talking out in their yard. I also see a light beige cat streak across the street and behind a parked car.

Nothing noteworthy.

I ease up on the gas a bit 'cause there may be kids riding bikes or something and on this dimly lit street, other little critters may be around and they may be harder to see than Beigey McKitty up ahead.

Nothing unusual going on here.


And as I'm passing by, I barely see it in the corner of my eye.

Behind the parked car, Beigey's been waiting, hoping for his chance to end it all. As I come even with his hiding spot, he darts out from behind the tires and seemingly straight across my path!

He covers the 6 or so feet between me and the parked car in a flash and before I realize it, there's a bright flare of my headlights on his light fur. I give a quick jerk on the wheel to the right and hit the breaks. Then there's the "thump!" of his weight against my car coming from...

the driver's side rear window?

What the hell?


I pull over to see what happened. No cat anywhere to be seen. I look around and then I hear...

"He's alright. He ran away."

Apparently, the two guys saw the whole thing. Beigey was behind the car, jumped out into my path, decided there was something worth living for, and jumped. He tried to make it over my car, but he ended up catching me on the corner where the trunk meets the rear window. That was the thump. He then hit the ground, but was up and away, seemingly none too harmed.


So anyway, thought I'd share that.

It's been a while

since my last post.

Obviously.

And in the interim, I've considered the possiblity of shuttin' this here blog down.

Sure, there's been stuff to write about:
-- My current state of unemployment
-- The crazy astronaut lady
-- Harry Potter the book and the movie
-- The Uber Bowl
-- My crummy Kings
-- Lisa's b-day
-- The odd TV show

But really, the urge to write just hasn't been there.



I mean once you've won Time's Man of the Year, is there really a need to keep going?



(And by "You" they meant me. I think there was some confusion about that, but I'm working on it.)


Anyway, I'll get back to you.