Thank You, Dick!
On Friday, I posted about how I had nothing to say. That is no longer the case, thanks to our VP, Mr. Dick Cheney, who apparently after reading my blog (take THAT, Rob! The real leader of our country reads mine!) took it upon himself to shoot a man in Texas just to watch him die.
For those of you who haven't heard (I myself was on the late show on this one), Dick Cheney capped a 72-year-old man over the weekend whilst quail hunting. And there are soooo many nuggets of comedy gold here that I'm not sure which is best:
1) The guy that got blasted was 72. Apparently he's okay, so I can make fun of him. But 72??? So, what? He made a smart-ass comment and Cheney wanted to punish the young whippersnapper? Why the heck does Cheney dislike old millionaire lawyers?
2) Cheney was aiming for a quail. The old guy shot a quail, went to go get it, Cheney spotted another quail, was tracking it and BOOM! Old guy was in the line of fire. I can't wait for the next time a Republican speaks about gun safety!
3) Everything was okay with the old guy 'cause Cheney travels with an ambulance! I know it may be standard operating procedure with the Secret Service, but it's not a bad idea considering the guy's had a few heart surgeries. Better safe than sorry.
4) After shooting a man, Cheney promptly told... no one. Another standard operating procedure, perhaps? The story didn't break for 24 hours. How does this story not break for 24 hours? The VP shot a man! Not only was the story not reported, when it was reported, it was by a local newspaper. And only on their website. C'mon!! Word on the delay is that Cheney deferred announcement of the incident to a fellow hunter because it happened on his property. Way to man up, Dick. That's exactly the kind of responsibility I want to see from the guy who's next in line for the Presidency.
But that's all pretty incidental. I have to think the next 2 are my favorites.
5) There are 3 comedy places to shoot a guy: the groin (it works on so many levels!), the buttocks (which allows us to say buttocks), and the face. Now, the face is the least of the comedy regions, but it's still pretty funny, and that's exactly where Cheney blasted the guy. If you want to know how great that is, just ask my old roomy Jason, who once full-on spiked a volleyball into Scott's face.
6) Cheney shot the guy... wait for it... with a frikin' shotgun! Oh yeah! Okay. It was a 24 guage shotgun. Like wire, the higher the guage, the smaller the gun - a 12 guage is like a hand cannon while a 24 guage has a much smaller punch, which is why it's used for game like quail. But it's a frikin' shotgun!! Classic.
So thank you, Mr. Vice President. You are truly a hero. Not mine, of course, but someone's I'm sure. You saw an American in distress on Friday and took it upon yourself to help. I salute you, sir! I take it you'll understand if I don't stand up, though - I'm personally wary of crossfire.
For those of you who haven't heard (I myself was on the late show on this one), Dick Cheney capped a 72-year-old man over the weekend whilst quail hunting. And there are soooo many nuggets of comedy gold here that I'm not sure which is best:
1) The guy that got blasted was 72. Apparently he's okay, so I can make fun of him. But 72??? So, what? He made a smart-ass comment and Cheney wanted to punish the young whippersnapper? Why the heck does Cheney dislike old millionaire lawyers?
2) Cheney was aiming for a quail. The old guy shot a quail, went to go get it, Cheney spotted another quail, was tracking it and BOOM! Old guy was in the line of fire. I can't wait for the next time a Republican speaks about gun safety!
3) Everything was okay with the old guy 'cause Cheney travels with an ambulance! I know it may be standard operating procedure with the Secret Service, but it's not a bad idea considering the guy's had a few heart surgeries. Better safe than sorry.
4) After shooting a man, Cheney promptly told... no one. Another standard operating procedure, perhaps? The story didn't break for 24 hours. How does this story not break for 24 hours? The VP shot a man! Not only was the story not reported, when it was reported, it was by a local newspaper. And only on their website. C'mon!! Word on the delay is that Cheney deferred announcement of the incident to a fellow hunter because it happened on his property. Way to man up, Dick. That's exactly the kind of responsibility I want to see from the guy who's next in line for the Presidency.
But that's all pretty incidental. I have to think the next 2 are my favorites.
5) There are 3 comedy places to shoot a guy: the groin (it works on so many levels!), the buttocks (which allows us to say buttocks), and the face. Now, the face is the least of the comedy regions, but it's still pretty funny, and that's exactly where Cheney blasted the guy. If you want to know how great that is, just ask my old roomy Jason, who once full-on spiked a volleyball into Scott's face.
6) Cheney shot the guy... wait for it... with a frikin' shotgun! Oh yeah! Okay. It was a 24 guage shotgun. Like wire, the higher the guage, the smaller the gun - a 12 guage is like a hand cannon while a 24 guage has a much smaller punch, which is why it's used for game like quail. But it's a frikin' shotgun!! Classic.
So thank you, Mr. Vice President. You are truly a hero. Not mine, of course, but someone's I'm sure. You saw an American in distress on Friday and took it upon yourself to help. I salute you, sir! I take it you'll understand if I don't stand up, though - I'm personally wary of crossfire.
posted by Drewby at
9:37 AM
4 Comments:
He travels with an ambulance. Just for these sorts of occasions, I imagine. Oh, and heart attacks.
And the dude was 78, not 72. :)
Even better!
And had a mild heart attack today. Geez...what'd you think would happen if this guy died?
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