Like Michael Flatley, Lord of the Dance
Y'know, I used to keep track of companies that I thought were trying to take over the world. Since then, a few things've happened and the list sort of fell apart. For example:
**Disney has fallen. After riding high for a number of years, their animated releases have recently fallen flat, with increased competition and an apparent dearth of material. Combine that with over-expansion and the loss of some key assets, and Disney has lost some influence. The world is no longer in their grasp.
**Nike took a giant step back with the loss of Jordan. The man provided endless marketing fodder, even creating a full generation of kids who wanted to "Be Like Mike" while they "Just [Did] It", backing his shoes, and even going to see his movie. Nike had a single name and a set of images that had managed to creep insidiously into practically every home in America and into millions of homes around the world. Alas, he eventually moved from the spotlight and Nike has yet to find another name to play Vader to his Sidious. Sure Tiger's big, and I love the guy, and lots of kids are playing golf, but how many people are buying new Woods golf shoes at $150 a pop and getting them stolen at school? I know there was that one kid in Minnesota, but still….
**And people are generally more wary of Microsoft these days. Kinda hard to take over the world when everyone and their mother is watching, just waiting for you to even try it (even though the mother doesn't even know how to use Outlook). And now that Bill's so rich the word doesn't even apply anymore, they've gotten lazy over there. I mean, if you keep releasing patches, how many holes were in the boat when you set sail??
**Oh, and Starbucks seems to have hit a nice and level plateau. Maybe they ran out of street corners that weren't owned by McDonalds and couldn't keep expanding at the same alarming rate. The lesson here? Never plan a global conquest that involves real estate. If Risk wasn't lesson enough for you….
The failed bids of these companies let us all rest easy for a while, but they were never really replaced. Consequently, there's been something of a power vacuum. Until recently, that is.
Now, there's a new golden boy. Personally, I think they may just be the scariest entity to ever make the list: They're loved by almost all. They're harmless. They're so damned useful and cool. They're so universally known, they have a verb named after them!! Microsoft never had a verb! You don't go out and Disney! But if I tell you to Google something, you're all over it and there's a smile on your face.
Think about it.
Seriously.
This company is pervasive as all get out. They have their fingers in everything on the Web. It's their job. Fine. But now, they're on your desktop. They have your e-mail. Who knows what else they're up to? They now have access to satellite images, how long until they have actual satellites? If I Google a friend in 2 years, will they be able to show him as a moving G-Dot on a G-Map 'cause they're tracking him and his G-Phone?
G-whiz!
Come… to… think… of… it… they may be responsible for a certain friend's relationship!!!! I won't say who I'm talking about, but her name and his job…. Coincidence?!?!
Those devious bastards!!! I swear, if Annaka ever gets a job there, we're all royally screwed. Google's capabilities matched with Annaka's? One hyphenate: G-Net. I can just imagine the thick Austrian accent: "I'm feeling lucky." Or "Come with me if you want to search." (On a side note: Why does the thought of Annaka doing anything usually result in an apocalyptic scenario for me? And why doesn't it surprise me that it does?)
I better stop now before I say something that really gets me into trouble. And if you happen to be bored one day, and if you care, you might wanna Google me some time. If it sends you to a map of a local cemetery with an inverted red tear drop, just know -- I did what I could.
Freeeeeedoooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!
**Disney has fallen. After riding high for a number of years, their animated releases have recently fallen flat, with increased competition and an apparent dearth of material. Combine that with over-expansion and the loss of some key assets, and Disney has lost some influence. The world is no longer in their grasp.
**Nike took a giant step back with the loss of Jordan. The man provided endless marketing fodder, even creating a full generation of kids who wanted to "Be Like Mike" while they "Just [Did] It", backing his shoes, and even going to see his movie. Nike had a single name and a set of images that had managed to creep insidiously into practically every home in America and into millions of homes around the world. Alas, he eventually moved from the spotlight and Nike has yet to find another name to play Vader to his Sidious. Sure Tiger's big, and I love the guy, and lots of kids are playing golf, but how many people are buying new Woods golf shoes at $150 a pop and getting them stolen at school? I know there was that one kid in Minnesota, but still….
**And people are generally more wary of Microsoft these days. Kinda hard to take over the world when everyone and their mother is watching, just waiting for you to even try it (even though the mother doesn't even know how to use Outlook). And now that Bill's so rich the word doesn't even apply anymore, they've gotten lazy over there. I mean, if you keep releasing patches, how many holes were in the boat when you set sail??
**Oh, and Starbucks seems to have hit a nice and level plateau. Maybe they ran out of street corners that weren't owned by McDonalds and couldn't keep expanding at the same alarming rate. The lesson here? Never plan a global conquest that involves real estate. If Risk wasn't lesson enough for you….
The failed bids of these companies let us all rest easy for a while, but they were never really replaced. Consequently, there's been something of a power vacuum. Until recently, that is.
Now, there's a new golden boy. Personally, I think they may just be the scariest entity to ever make the list: They're loved by almost all. They're harmless. They're so damned useful and cool. They're so universally known, they have a verb named after them!! Microsoft never had a verb! You don't go out and Disney! But if I tell you to Google something, you're all over it and there's a smile on your face.
Think about it.
Seriously.
This company is pervasive as all get out. They have their fingers in everything on the Web. It's their job. Fine. But now, they're on your desktop. They have your e-mail. Who knows what else they're up to? They now have access to satellite images, how long until they have actual satellites? If I Google a friend in 2 years, will they be able to show him as a moving G-Dot on a G-Map 'cause they're tracking him and his G-Phone?
G-whiz!
Come… to… think… of… it… they may be responsible for a certain friend's relationship!!!! I won't say who I'm talking about, but her name and his job…. Coincidence?!?!
Those devious bastards!!! I swear, if Annaka ever gets a job there, we're all royally screwed. Google's capabilities matched with Annaka's? One hyphenate: G-Net. I can just imagine the thick Austrian accent: "I'm feeling lucky." Or "Come with me if you want to search." (On a side note: Why does the thought of Annaka doing anything usually result in an apocalyptic scenario for me? And why doesn't it surprise me that it does?)
I better stop now before I say something that really gets me into trouble. And if you happen to be bored one day, and if you care, you might wanna Google me some time. If it sends you to a map of a local cemetery with an inverted red tear drop, just know -- I did what I could.
Freeeeeedoooooooommmm!!!!!!!!!
posted by Drewby at
4:51 PM
4 Comments:
I agree - Google is all set for world domination. Don't worry, though; I am gaining a pool of henchmen, and will be prepared to challenge them for supremacy when the time comes.
You don't think it's chance that I have so many Googlie friends, do you? It is all part of my nefarious plot.
I am just waiting for them to become a worthy adversary. At the moment they are a bit too much "sweetness and light". They'll be a lot more fun to trounce when they decide do show their true colors.
They're onto us...active the Omega 13!
And it's Changina, not G Chang, though that would be a pretty cool domain to own now...
...of course it's already taken, dag gummit.
Yeah but I figure if Google was to create a clone from their own batch of DNA, wouldn't it be called... GNA?
Plus, who's really from Hawaii? Seems like it would be a great false background to me.... Just watch yourself, man.
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